Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Dry Martini shaken not stirred

Now when only 18 days are left for this year's second secular festival, preparations are in their final round ( wondering what was the first, the day on which only sweets lover goes to school to get 15 days old boondi.) Times of India reporters have already started collecting statistics of condom sales in Ahmedabad to put it as a cover story. The condom statistics have already triggered maternity hospitals to plan for using there premises for other purposes during few (festival +9) months of the year.

These TOI guys lack creativity and genuine information to report. Like a poll on how many guys were successful to put a flower in an overfilled hand (just like god's idol), how many got slapped because of bad breath, average number of flower vases girls were able to fill, scarcity of water in the city to keep those flowers, city by city comparison and what not. On top of that they have bacchi karkaria, Jug suria and shobbha dey to write perfect non sense in the most sensible language. Still one pat article after every festival will be on sale on condom in Ahemadabad. May be, TOI staff works in any condom factory.

Leave these journalists aside, our “bhartiya snaskriti ke rakhwale” shivsanik and bajrang dal also celebrates it in their own way. On valentine day, it is their unconstitutional (un is silent) right to take personal revenge. They can catch anybody, beat them and tell them “even if you are not a pair but you would make a good pair that's why we took this proactive stand.” If a little bit more freedom is given to these guys, they will get all the married people divorced in a “single” day. But every year they face a problem. Unlike other festivals, on Valentine day they do not have anybody in particular to burn effigies of. Probably they can burn theirs as they are one, creating maximum nuisance. This year, they are working day and night to prepare a list of all enemies. Isn't it a good idea, propose a girl on valentine day, if she goes with somebody else, join Shiv sena and beat that guy up next valentine day only to know that now that Kanya is going around with a Bajrang dal guy.

Gift shops are gearing up for their most happening event. They have so much to do, increasing prices of everything by 50% at least, changing pricing tags and cleaning last years leftovers so that they look like new. Few parties are helpless this year too. Like Cinema- halls still struggling to have more corner seats, restaurants, cafes trying to have more 2 seat tables, pubs planning to throw away “2 beer whole night type couples”

For guys this is the most crucial weekend and let me not waste anymore time writing and try my luck. I think there is enough time to blossom this valentine day. Let me start with a pub ;-)

(Penned on last Saturday)


Paddy said...

Mr Shaks,

You better be well prepared this year. Unlike TOI, you may have some things preps to do that i recommend:

1. Look out for places 'not' haunted by the Dal or the Sena

2. Be fully prepared, fit and fine for the day, since this may be ur last valentines' as a 'single'

Everybody appreciates the results, but no one knows or even bothers to ask the number of attempts. U know best.

Awaiting Good news, will call on u again on 15th...

All the Best...

Shaks said...

there is something called "Mithi Churi"( Sweet knife). You have used the same. Who cares for results, its the process that is fun!!!