Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Digital Shutter Mania

“Arre yaar is pose mein le !! acha ayega, orkut pe lagana hai !!”.
(Please read first statement in conjunction with second)

All the camera companies should share their revenues with Orkut. Today, major reason people wants to take snaps is to put in their Orkut profile. Orkut bug keeps on pressing one for a camera, especially on finding your friends’ inability to capture you in George Clooney pose. (Pun intended). At times people enjoys taking pictures more than the place itself because it is of utmost importance to show others that I visited Jhoomri talialya and my snap taken over there had put Brad Pitt out of business. At the end of their lives, these photogenic characters will leave a lot of options for Spielberg (pun intended) to choose for the frame, a small but powerful role.

Let’s not forget person behind the shutters who believes for every snap that this snap deserves a place in fortune 500 list of photographs (Oh ho ! Pun intended). Nobody understands the plight of that guy, how he has graduated from the “Say cheese” days to “abstract makes perfect sense”. All these guys are in so fond of shutter box that they do not get the feel of sightseeing from naked eyes. Once all possible “Taj Mehalish” type photos are over, which can never be the case, their eyes rolls on to find that it’s all over. I have a cool idea for these souls to have their cameras in time set mode before leaving the other end of shutter, world.

Going to foreign location for Honeymoon and posting 100 photographs of each place has become a trend sort of. These couple forces you to suspect whether they did anything else on Honeymoon at all. I can anticipate their answer to “What did you do on Honeymoon?” We clicked, clicked and clicked till we could click. (Hey man, pun intended!!)

In short, in every sphere of life I meet people who are busy in making up a life that they never lived. Let’s live life and leave it on others to capture it.

And then there are people who use “pun intended” to make sure that their differently- abled readership understands the brand new breed of PJs (pun intended).

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Dry Martini shaken not stirred

Now when only 18 days are left for this year's second secular festival, preparations are in their final round ( wondering what was the first, the day on which only sweets lover goes to school to get 15 days old boondi.) Times of India reporters have already started collecting statistics of condom sales in Ahmedabad to put it as a cover story. The condom statistics have already triggered maternity hospitals to plan for using there premises for other purposes during few (festival +9) months of the year.

These TOI guys lack creativity and genuine information to report. Like a poll on how many guys were successful to put a flower in an overfilled hand (just like god's idol), how many got slapped because of bad breath, average number of flower vases girls were able to fill, scarcity of water in the city to keep those flowers, city by city comparison and what not. On top of that they have bacchi karkaria, Jug suria and shobbha dey to write perfect non sense in the most sensible language. Still one pat article after every festival will be on sale on condom in Ahemadabad. May be, TOI staff works in any condom factory.

Leave these journalists aside, our “bhartiya snaskriti ke rakhwale” shivsanik and bajrang dal also celebrates it in their own way. On valentine day, it is their unconstitutional (un is silent) right to take personal revenge. They can catch anybody, beat them and tell them “even if you are not a pair but you would make a good pair that's why we took this proactive stand.” If a little bit more freedom is given to these guys, they will get all the married people divorced in a “single” day. But every year they face a problem. Unlike other festivals, on Valentine day they do not have anybody in particular to burn effigies of. Probably they can burn theirs as they are one, creating maximum nuisance. This year, they are working day and night to prepare a list of all enemies. Isn't it a good idea, propose a girl on valentine day, if she goes with somebody else, join Shiv sena and beat that guy up next valentine day only to know that now that Kanya is going around with a Bajrang dal guy.

Gift shops are gearing up for their most happening event. They have so much to do, increasing prices of everything by 50% at least, changing pricing tags and cleaning last years leftovers so that they look like new. Few parties are helpless this year too. Like Cinema- halls still struggling to have more corner seats, restaurants, cafes trying to have more 2 seat tables, pubs planning to throw away “2 beer whole night type couples”

For guys this is the most crucial weekend and let me not waste anymore time writing and try my luck. I think there is enough time to blossom this valentine day. Let me start with a pub ;-)

(Penned on last Saturday)

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Typifying females ( From Guy's point of view)

I decided to write something on females since I wrote “ Type of Guys”. It took me so long in an attempt to understand fairer sex. At last I realized, they are pretty complex character and a female can not be typified in any one category. They show all the following characteristics but degree defers.


Most of the time of their early life females behaves like girls. Girls generally show as if they are seriously into whatever they are doing. At the sametime, they are very conscious of how am I looking today. Your answer to that question can never satisfy her as she still feels that most nerdy guy in the block is yet unmoved by her dressing. That's what we call as striving for excellence.

For guys this is the best period to talk to a female as she genuinely tries to listen unlike other avatars. But your success depends on your impression in her frnss minds, not in her mind. I know it is a kinda vicious circle because in an attempt to woo her friends, you might loose her.


Almost all young females would like to be called babe but very few of them are able to carry the attitude of a babe. Babe is smart, bindaas and casual avatar of a female. It's the temperature that decides whether a female is a babe or just another girl.

To identify a babe in a party observe the movement of few males. Center of their slow movement in one direction will have a babe out there. In a disk it is even easier, wherever there is a cluster of crowd identical to roadside accident, there is a babe out there in the center.

A babe believes “sarv-jan samabhav”. Even if she accompanies her boyfriend (who ends up being her bodyguard), she gives every man (who looks like one) a chance to curse his tailor.


For Nari hours of a female, one dialogue of Anupam Kher in DDLJ goes very well“ Beta main in ladkiyoon ko aachi tarah se janta huin, Inke paida hone pe inka papa decide karta hai ki inhe kis school main jana hai, ghar mein maa decide karti hai kitni lambi choti bandhni hai aur puri family decide karti hai kiske saath shaadi karni hai” ( Don’t remember the exact dialogue)

Nari -Shakti

During Nari-Shakti Hours of her Life, A female is in hyperactive mode. Newton's third law fails at this moment and any unwarranted action toward her may leave her warmth on your cheeks or may help you in jogging in your attempt to escape flying objects, called chappals by civilization.


During Aunty hours, a female talks like lalitaji of Surf fame. She takes it as her prime responsibility in beating the hell out of the shopkeepers for a 50 paisa discount. For a 1000 rupee stuff, she will harass atleast 100 salesman and then she will buy it from the first shop asking him “ Hum to hamesha aapke yahan se hi kharidte hain, kuch to paisa kum kijiye”.
No Demonstrations in front of my flat please.