Muted Admirations

At times, you meet few people and become admirer of them. You love doing whatever they do, you understand their actions, you can’t listen anything against them and have all your arguments ready to defend them in public. We all are fan of one or another celebrity but they are out of reach to us in most of the cases.

Things are different when people we like are within our reach. Sometimes they are none other than the people we meet in our day to day life. I could be die hard followers of one of my colleague. Anybody else may not consider him/ her to be attractive enough but then as a matter of fact we all have different tastes. Such closes by contacts are personal most of the times (so called spiritual love, best friends, one night stands etc). Once in a blue moon, you just see few people and want to talk to them. You may get a chance if you are lucky enough or you can create a chance. But there is always a fear that these meetings may change your perception of that person. He or she may be totally different in his/her personal life than what you perceive his/ her to be.

One way to avoid this disappointment is that you don’t approach them. I will call it Muted Admirations. Firstly, you may not have any intention to have any personal linkages. Secondly, you don’t feel need of telling it to others and then justifying your viewpoint. Thirdly and most importantly, you are not ready to break this delusion at any cost.

Till date, I had 2 such admirations. The first one when I was in Ninth standard. This guy use to be my college mate and tuitions mate. I had my own circle of friends and he had his own. I rarely chatted with him but I admired him from the bottom of my heart. I liked every aspect of his personality, from hair style to the way he used to talk. To be frank, I wanted to be just like him. I tried to imitate him. I used to listen a lot of things about him some positive and others negative. The day I tried to befriend R, onwards was painful. Now I came to know how wrong I was. I forgot all those good things about him. I paid for not keeping my admirations muted and maintaining the distance.

My second admiration is from work-ex. In DAKC, I saw this female quite a lot, serendipitously most of the time. I don’t know but I liked everything about her. I made a mistake by telling it to my friends. Then my daily classes started. But I was pretty sure this time that this is more a respect for her than anything else. I didn’t have any intentions for friendship, love or any professional relationship. But, I admired her like anything. To mention a few, I liked her dressing sense, composure, smile and activeness. I never got (and created) any opportunity to talk to her as I was very fussy of not breaking this delusion of mine at any cost.