Better be a Jackass

Veeraj says “You should be a jackass to get what you want!!!” I wouldn’t have agreed to it a few years back. But now after wasting so many years on mother earth, I can very well understand the underlying concept, coming from his wisdom.

Sometimes one is conscious of what people will think about him if he does certain things. Self- Image thing comes to mind. He tries to act in a certain way only to address his own comfort with all the people around. This translates into not taking a stance, dilution of passion, hesitation to approach etc. After all this conscious approach he still ends up annoying few people; forget his own ambitions in life. He is no better than an asshole.

It is better to pursue what you want with unmatched passion and no care for what others will think. If you want to pursue something you should be mad after it. For such an approach to things, one has to be fully convinced. It is our inner self that we are not able to convince most of the times. You should have faith in what you want to pursue. There should not be any inhibitions for exploring uncharted spaces.

Once you feel you are convinced, your next job is to induce others. You should have passion to persuade others to favor you. It’s a small and only life and there is no point is bowing down to stubborn outlook of public. You should be a Jackass in short. You should not try to be nice to everybody. By doing this, you will end up nowhere. Here one must is not to make everything an issue of self esteem. Nobody else cares for your self esteem; it’s only you.

Bill Gates has rightly said “The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.”

Muted Admirations

At times, you meet few people and become admirer of them. You love doing whatever they do, you understand their actions, you can’t listen anything against them and have all your arguments ready to defend them in public. We all are fan of one or another celebrity but they are out of reach to us in most of the cases.

Things are different when people we like are within our reach. Sometimes they are none other than the people we meet in our day to day life. I could be die hard followers of one of my colleague. Anybody else may not consider him/ her to be attractive enough but then as a matter of fact we all have different tastes. Such closes by contacts are personal most of the times (so called spiritual love, best friends, one night stands etc). Once in a blue moon, you just see few people and want to talk to them. You may get a chance if you are lucky enough or you can create a chance. But there is always a fear that these meetings may change your perception of that person. He or she may be totally different in his/her personal life than what you perceive his/ her to be.

One way to avoid this disappointment is that you don’t approach them. I will call it Muted Admirations. Firstly, you may not have any intention to have any personal linkages. Secondly, you don’t feel need of telling it to others and then justifying your viewpoint. Thirdly and most importantly, you are not ready to break this delusion at any cost.

Till date, I had 2 such admirations. The first one when I was in Ninth standard. This guy use to be my college mate and tuitions mate. I had my own circle of friends and he had his own. I rarely chatted with him but I admired him from the bottom of my heart. I liked every aspect of his personality, from hair style to the way he used to talk. To be frank, I wanted to be just like him. I tried to imitate him. I used to listen a lot of things about him some positive and others negative. The day I tried to befriend R, onwards was painful. Now I came to know how wrong I was. I forgot all those good things about him. I paid for not keeping my admirations muted and maintaining the distance.

My second admiration is from work-ex. In DAKC, I saw this female quite a lot, serendipitously most of the time. I don’t know but I liked everything about her. I made a mistake by telling it to my friends. Then my daily classes started. But I was pretty sure this time that this is more a respect for her than anything else. I didn’t have any intentions for friendship, love or any professional relationship. But, I admired her like anything. To mention a few, I liked her dressing sense, composure, smile and activeness. I never got (and created) any opportunity to talk to her as I was very fussy of not breaking this delusion of mine at any cost.

NOISE n SPIKES

Listening to “Sach ye hai bekar hame gam hota hai”. Whenever I feel empty and feel like losing all my energy, I take shelter of gazals, my bad times friend.

Today, I am getting a feel of losing something/ someone close to me. Don’t know why?? No reasons as such. My actions are dull, life boring. Every second of this eve is killing me from inside. I am in no mood of sharing it with anybody.

Monotony is killing me. Life is going straight. Nothing great is happening. Everything is as usual.

At times I behave like a guy who is just 16 years old and will do all nonsense and at times I am a mature guy getting ready to become a professional. One side is what I love doing, and what I have to be.

I do not understand why people loose there innocence with the passage of life. Is it really difficult?? I don’t think so.

MBA is commonsense. Can somebody teach you? You can only be informed.

I feel most of the people around me are doing all possible non-sense to get some grades. Very few are really trying to shape their thought process.

I have always believed in reconciling opposites (Eve in temple and night at bar)

I have got so many ideas but no time to write. On top of it my pathetic writing skills. It pains when somebody says you write well because I know It is not the writing, it’s the idea which people generally like.

Never believe in any personality test. They make u believe that you can never do certain things which otherwise you would have done.

Sometimes, disappear in the crowd, go to some place where you don’t know anybody and nobody knows you. It is a strange feeling. It is fun especially when you can’t speak local dialect and place too is scenic.